Nobel Laureates in Literature

So did I accomplish my tasks for Veteran's Day? Oh, did I.

One part sleeping in. One part washing car. One part grading. One part deciding the novel/rest of my life.

What to do with the rest of my life. Well, I'm reflective and thirty enough to know that there is no such thing as the rest of my life. There is only NOW. The isness of the now. I feel you rolling your eyes. I too begin to bubble sardonically (Mr Lam?) with laughter when I say, there is only NOW. But you know what? It's true.

There's also another truth, my truth.

While I slept in, as I watched Stephanie (my car) being washed, while I graded papers, while I tried to decide the rest of my life (yes. knowingly wasting the isness of the now, thinking about the unknowable future) - I thought about my novel. The story about a young woman named Audrey. I thought about her, her story, her life and what would become of her, all day.

So about this other truth, the truth in addition to this idea that there is only now. Now is a sound or a voice that continues beneath all the other sounds. Now is what continues to call your name even when its clearly time to sleep.

Teaching has been my now for a long time. If I count Japan, I'm going on my sixth year as an educator. I know its time to move forward and create social change (yes. social change. vague as it is and vague as it sounds) beyond the classroom. And its time to listen to what keeps me up at night.

There are people who think about Nobel Peace Prize Laureates. There are people who read obsessively about Nobel Laureates in Chemistry. And then there are people who dream about Nobel Laureates in Literature. I am that person. Aside from my yet to be finished novel, I re-read excerpts of Gao Xingjian's Soul Mountain throughout my busy Veteran's Day.  There is so much soul in that novel and in his life. He inspires me to write and continue this exploration of and defining of the self.

And so, writing is my now. Writing has been and will be the one sound that holds all the other beautiful sounds together for me. How about that?

The Silver Linings Ahead

"Oh youth!" My doctor cried. "You recovered much faster than I expected."

I felt validated. Youthful. This disease had hid in my body for years - itching for the best time to strike. And finally, my bout with shingles was about to end. Just in time for my thirtieth birthday.

Thirty is a milestone. But I really don't know, how I want to celebrate my birthday.

Aunty says there is significance to every tenth year of life called wun ching. Once the Chinese Year of the Rat began, I was already officially thirty and apparently, my wun ching had already started.

She just didn't want to scare me.

She said something, something, always happens on those ten-year milestones – you just can't know how bad it is until it hits.

Well then I figured, the worst must be over.

The Olympics is a milestone for China.

The date of the opening ceremonies is auspicious. August 8, 2008 is a Chinese number sentence come true. The number eight means wealth and a set of triple could only bring triple the prosperity. But despite that, the world's perception of China is still...tepid.

I never really felt a strong connection to China.

My family fled from China during the Cultural Revolution by boat, to Hong Kong. My family has every reason to criticize China and so does the world.

Chinese persecution of Tibetan monks and the pollution wafting in from active coal mines into Beijing are deserving of attention. But I can't help but want to pull back, way back, and think about what the Chinese people have endured. The devastation of the Cultural Revolution, from within. Or from the outside, what the Japanese attempted to do and my grandmother's memory of that time.

Even Zhang Yimou, known for his critique of China, spent two years designing the Olympic opening ceremonies. So here I am, surprised at myself, for feeling proud that China is hosting this year's summer Olympics.

It isn't nationalism. It wasn't nationalism that inspired Hong Kong celebrities to continue carrying the Olympic torch as protesters threatened to impede their progress. Maybe its naive to feel this way, but I believe it's unbridled cultural pride. And I'm feeling it too. What a wonderful feeling.

The Olympic games means so much for China. The Chinese Diaspora is cheering and even my grandmother's cheering. And if you know me at all, you'll know that I can't disagree with her.

They aren't cheering despite the fact that China has problems, I think they just need this moment to celebrate their culture. The Chinese will make their mark in history and I'm positive that they'll find solutions to the problems they face. For now, I'm celebrating my heritage too.

There will be a silver lining for China. And a silver lining, for me too. I'm about to be thirty.

I guess I'll figure things out as the days approaching my birthday run out one by one. I've survived my wun ching. I will embrace my culture and my extreme flaws and look ahead. I'll look at the scars left behind by my shingles and think, I recovered, fast.

Youth is still on my side.